the day i almost got kicked outa bible school

k... what ensues is the longest blog in history because it was the longest explanation email in history because of my adventures... i don't feel like sharing it again and this email was so gracefully crafted i feel i must share it. because telling it again would be lost upon my now healed situation in which forgiveness has been dealt, and my attitude is no longer in the extreme need for mercy therefore writing it again would lose the delicate need to explain everything... so read if you want, or just know that i almost got kicked out, but now i get to finish and graduate. hooray!!

sosoSO. this all begins on friday. pastor michael, our fijian pastor came to us in the morning pretty unexpectedly. i wrote about it in my blog and stuff but this will go far more into detail.. he started off unhappy because straight away when he walked in a few people were still sleeping on the floor, because we hadn't gotten up at 7 to do intercession or worship because we were gonna do it after breakfast, which had become pretty normal to us... but he started off saying how disturbed he was that we were not fully committing ourselves to being on this mission and how we were becoming a burden rather than a blessing. he started comparing us to the other teams on our dts as well as previous schools before us that had come... saying that they were all getting up at 6am to pray as a team and help the family with breakfast (though everytime we tried to help with breakfast, we got shooed away because our family wanted us to rest easy and not go to hard (which at the beginning of the trip during our brief with michael he had said that overworking ourselves would be no good because we wouldn't of been useful to him that way)) and how the other teams were seeking opportunities and often doing way more than they had scheduled and fulfilling far more ministry hours than we were. (this came as a complete shock to all of us since other times we had been nothing but encouraged about how we were doing and how much we were appreciated (so pretty much our hearts were broken straight away with discouragement)... he brought up how we had cursed the family we were with for bringing in a few copies of the book of mormon, calling us far to young to be reading another scripture and that it would confuse us in our young spiritual age (while adding that he knew where we are at spiritually because it is a gift God gave him and because he knew our backrounds.) and that the book was demonic and we had no right to bring it in without permission (which was true. he had a few points on asking for permission and things that honestly did help us get back into a better level of communication with our fijian family) but he didn't do it in a way that was at all respectful of where we were at because he does NOT know us. he has never spent any one on one time with any of us or been anywhere we have been during ministry hours, and when he has it was at the very end of our time enough to congradulate us on a job well done. that whole part really really pissed me (and everyone else) off because its not his judgement to make on where we are spiritually. michael continued to go on an say that if we brought back the mormon books to the base, bill and baryll would just burn them. (this is where someone crapped in their hand and held onto it for a bit) lucas instantly spoke up against him saying that he doubted that, specifically since many of our dts speakers said we should have the other scriptures with us so we can better know how to talk to people and minister to people of different faiths. (makes sense right? flip yes.) michael didn't take that kindly at all as in fiji nobody under the age of yourself will ever speak back at you, especially if you are a pastor. (the only flaw other than pride in lucas's argument...) so they argued a little bit but michael shut him up and moved on... he started talking about how we had become the biggest burden on our fijian family as compared to the other teams since we didn't do anything to help, we hadn't cleaned their compound (which we had on the inside, but he wouldn't of known that since he was never there... and back to being shooed away... our fijian momma never lets us do anything becuase she loves what she does and knows she'll be blessed for doing it for us out of love. she's a stay at home mom and really has done a ton for us... after this conversation she was raking and we tried to do it for her but she said she'd go up on the roof and rake if we tried to take it away from her. she's pretty amazing... ). that part really made us feel bad (since we believed it) and nik told michael on behalf of the team we were sorry and that we respected him.. michael asked us with moderate sincerity to forgive him for having to talk to us like this which all of us said yes minus lucas, who chose (oh so wisely (but justly...)) to say 'honestly? its gonna take me awhile'. so michael gave him an ultimatum of forgiving him that night at youth group.. so sigh. that was the start of all this. nick an steph talked for about two hours to michael outside afterwards, explaining all the miscommunications and other completely valid excuses we had. we got the message though an agreed to really press in for our last week. ps- lucas didn't forgive him or talk to him at youth group.

so michael came by on sunday morning to talk to lucas... thats about when he threw the poop in his hands up into the fan. they went outside with nick an steph and the head of the house george, an they talked for about half hour with none of us knowing what was happening. they came in afterwards and went straight to the girls room to have a leaders/lucas talk privately... that lasted for about an hour before we were allowed to come in and find out what was happening. apparently the argument went really south really fast (it was a pride issue... on both sides. lucas felt belittled by being called a child, and michael felt insulted by not being submitted to...) and it ended with lucas being not allowed to be a part of our team. we prayed for a long while about what to do and how to feel and we prayed a lot for healing from the hurt michael had put on us especially the leaders, making them feel completely inadequate and like failures... though they are so amazing and God has done nothing but bless us through them. lucas had a really good heart and prayed that nobody would become rebellious against michael and that his fight would remain his fight as well as his burden and consequence. so it was a really good time... (it was super hard to go to church without lucas and then say our goodbyes to the church with michael saying how much of a blessing we had been to them and how 'not just a life has been changed.. lives!' (to which my ever-growing bitter heart cringed at... but that was prayed out and my heart has no contempt for michael... just to let you know...)) it was especially hard because the only thing steph had told us was that it was completely unfair and that lucas showed as much respect as he could while defending himself against this unexpected oppression... but we moved on with our day and waited for bill and baryll to call.

k now for the part where i get involved and you say 'i told you so!!!' and i say 'but it was done already!' except i dont' argue and i humbly say i'm learning an extremely valuble lesson about obedience and submission... so the tattoos. the reason i stopped so abruptly is because nick had come to me an said we should probably not do it in georges house anymore because he doesn't agree with it (which i agreed with and apologized to george too, which i was forgiven for ) that night i was planning on giving one of the youth leaders a tattoo, because he had asked me too and i was still on that 'i feel so blessed to be having this chance' phase before it was killed. somebody told someone who hated tattoos and the next afternoon we got our first pastor michael reprimanding about tattoos and why we are here and he so politely shared his views on why he thinks tattoos are wrong and whatnot... in front of the whole team. so that was extremely humbling and i felt very sorry for having overstepped my bounds in my excitement and naivity for trusting georges son sammy that everything was alright and that his dad didn't care... (that was just the family issue which was resolved, but michael was now talking about the spread of it and why it could not go on, which we all agreed with). so he finished with a glorious smile saying it was now a non-issue if it didn't come up again and that since he reported to bill and baryll on our progress (ps they are our directors..) he said that he would not bring it up with them. which i was very very glad for. it was a giant piece of humle pie which i took down without losing a giant piece of dignity or respect. cool! non-issue. moved on. set! LIES!

in the next few days me'n the guys were really discussing why some people feel convicted against tattoos and why we thought they were ok (biblically... spiritually...) it was healthy. the youth leader i was supposed to tattoo had had a conviction against it that night, so he was all against tattoos (which is totally fine) but we were only discussing it and apparently that got back to pastor michael, which was brought up in a minor point against us in his friday morning talk about his authority and our submission. didn't know discussion was violating his authority but we took that pill too. situation over!! crap no it isn't....

so michael told bill and baryll about the tattoos, and during that phone call (which only nick took, being the leader and amazing student of Christ that he is) i heard him say 'tattoos? yeah, just the son of george and one of his buddies' and that was that since they had moved on to lucas's issue by then.. which is where the focus goes on to me and lucas gets put into the background and where you put your hands over your head in mock headache and say dissapointingly 'oh son...'. back to that very first night of tattooing, my good friend and brother nik (niK not niCK) said quickly and quietly that he wanted something... to which we both knew was fully against the suedo facist rules of the dts directors bill and baryll.. but.. think about... the best going away from fiji present ever... something to forever remember fiji and the things God did and does in our life/lives...and nik (being one of the funniest guys i've yet to meet) allowing something to be done that would be the funniest thing of most all time... a heart on his butt. so of course, us being clever and stupid went outside and did it super fast and crappy just like he wanted while our own authorities slept inside... unknowing and therefore out of trouble if the issue ever came up. so nik, lucas an i as well as a few fijian boys knew about a heart resting under the skin of niks butt. it was the best kept secret for a long time. a very good long time. a very good long extremely hard to keep it inside especially with curious as baby monkey girls constantly asking to look at nik's now forbidden camera time.

so. this morning. pastor michael came back and him'n lucas had another talk, and all of our prayers must have softened both of their hearts, because they both came in happy, resolved, with lucas back on the team. at the point of phone call yesterday, nick didn't know about niks butt while talking to baryll on the phone, which we thought was super ok and in the clear (minus an afternoon of my own mental paranoia). everything was all dandy and good and nik was having a shower and we were deciding what to do today with our very coveted day off. nick was asking if we were all gonna be around for lunch, so (being a man with a similar penis to niks) opened the door of the shower to see if nik would partake in lunch. thinking quickly, nik covered up the tattoo instead of his junk with his hand (which to the immediate surveyor is not at all unusual... but to a thought dweller...) and turned around... irregardless, nick saw it not thinking and asked 'is that a tattoo?' to which nik slyly said 'what? no. and i'll be here for lunch'. so... while nick was washing dishes 30 seconds later when i came into the kitchen he said 'was that... a heart tattooed on niks butt?' to which i said.. 'mebe...' to the response 'did he always have that?' to my shy reply 'mebe...' to the startling realization 'did he get that here?!' .... mebe.. to a giant look of ohhhhhh crap... 'i really really really wish i hadn't of seen that...'

and dismay! we talked to steph and she giggled and said no wait, serious? very serious... they had a tag team talk to me'n nik, to which they said that they understood why we would've kept it a secret from them (it just made sense in order to maintain order!!) however that there were probably going to be definite consequences for this. they weren't mad (well nick wasn't.... we still have to fully apologize to steph though she is a pretty awesome forgiving person). so... as baryll was gonna call again today to check on the now redeemed lucas situation, nick went for a prayer walk to decide what he was gonna do. he could, in protection for us, lie and continue to sweep it under the rug and we could all move on, or he could tell baryll and throw us on the mercy of our directors. to which we said do not sacrifice yourself for us... so when the time came he went through the lucas situation, then came back to our situation, which she wasn't happy about. we defied nick, we defied the rules, and when we get back that there will be sit down talks and whatnot. fair and fair... (right away its good he talked to baryll, cuz bill was all for kicking lucas straight off of the school for an argument with a pastor.)

so as it stands we are not getting sent home early from fiji... since we only have a few days left we can stay on the team and finish the fiji outreach. we don't know of anything other than the for sure sit down talks. i'm gonna right away say that i'm sorry to you, mom, eric david... for getting myself into this kinda trouble. i'm not too concerned for myself because it is not gonna break me in any way... i'm learning a lesson and i'm gonna learn it hard. i can't be too hasty to say what my punishment will be, so i'll list scenarios on what it could look like depending on much grace God puts on barylls heart. (thats where i need you to pray... )

since the nature of our offense is strictly disobedient, we probably won't be shown a lot of leniency.. in that regard, i don't feel very bad at all for disobeying rules i think are ridiculous, but its not about the rules it is about the breaking of them. i knew the consequences when i did it, and i honestly thought it just wouldn't come out. (i think God knew it would...) so that act of disobedience is fully subject to whatever the punishment is. i'm not gonna go into the meetings bitter about the rules but humble and apologetic and hoping for mercy, because i do want to finish the school. more than finishing i want to do the NZ outreach with my team. ultimately i don't need a certificate or diploma to say that i've had a successful trip since i've fully grown closer to God, which was my goal. i know i could very well be stripped short of the benefits from finishing the school (like staffing, or second level schools).

kk....

best scenario. mercy, we get to do outreach, we get to graduate with all of our brothers and sisters.

cruddier scenario. we get to graduate, but dont' get to go on outreach. its cruddier still, because one won't happen without the other, so its virtually implausible.

crap and most likely scenario. we talk, we explain, we don't get grace and we get kicked out. we'd get to say goodbye to everyone but we'd be asked to leave the base.

my hope is that in case of the last one that i leave on good terms... i dont' wanna go in arguing and thrashing my way for getting rules removed. if i'm leaving i'm leaving as a friend of YWAM. i'm gonna be as respectful as i can and hopefully they can see that i understand the situation and i'm not looking for anything more than a second chance to actually obey. i can't ever say i fully regret the situation because its forcing me to cling to God as my foundation, and me putting full trust into him. regardless of the outcome i know i'm gonna be a better person because of this experience, even if it is a shortcoming in the eyes of everyone who helped send me. i'm fully prepared to write everyone an apology letter and ask for forgiveness for failing to meet even a minor expectation of finishing..

i hope you can forgive me straight away and get on my side and pray for me... i don't want to regret anything (and i don't suspect i will, but i also don't want to get bitter about rules and things because i know the reasons why they are there (which is probably the reason i broke them... stupid rebellious heart...))

now for the interesting part... if i get kicked out. (of bible school? think about the rejects of life that will allow me to talk too because of experiences... i got a crazy cool prophesy over me yesterday that gets further confirmation through something like this) i know my ticket is now for august 7th, which i don't want to move. i still fully plan on travelling with nik and our ladies once the girls get done school. (cuz me'n nik are in the same boat...) (oh ps, in case of our getting the boot lucas (the foolish rebel) said that he'd probably just leave with us since he's been done with this school for months and the only thing keeping him around was us in the first place).. so us three. we'd stick together and travel around the country... i have a friend of a friend in picton that i'm gonna try to connect with to see if we can find a place to stay, or with steph's family since she lives only half hour from the base (but might not look to kindly on our disobedience, though they were all for lucas and his standing up against michael). so we have options.. there is so much potential for adventure its really really really hard for me to feel bad for what i did. this gives us our own outreach and our own chances to deal Christ to people since we are all burning hot for him. (all this trouble is spiritual fuel for us...) however knowing the damage i could do to future potential ministry options (though its not entirely on my back alone... we asked God to make us different, we just forgot to ask to be better rather than the black sheep of the whole bunch ( but i looooove black sheep...)) and the NZ outreach as all 3 guy students would leave and the tiare oha outreach would disintegrate with only 4 people... i'm gonna feel aweful for that if it happens. but... this is all in potential motion and nothing is final. i've given it to God over and over and i trust him fully to deal with the situation in the way that will glorify him the most. i'll call as soon as i know what is gonna happen once i'm back in NZ... i just wanted to let you know this way so you can pray for me (first and foremost) and be ready for bad news if it comes.

i'm really really sorry for failing in the way that i have, and i hope that nothing is gonna scar my relationship with anyone at home who doesn't understand me. i'm in happy spirits because i know what i've done wrong and i'm prepared to take it. but i know God does miracles and hopefully this can be the biggest one in my life so far (which in the big picture is so so so so so small for God.. ..

... and can make a sweet story at some point when the heat is worn off and i'm a better perso because of it... what kinda hochhalter gets kicked out of bible school... cmon.... only tyler logic can do that.)

yay and amen. i'd update more, but this is enough to take in...

*** but its also a week behind so i'll update you anyways MUAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAA

we are in te aroha for nz outreach... we have internet, colds, and lucas is back at the base getting some solid one on one counseling for his own issues. he's stoked, we're stoked for him, and we are all gonna grow and get stuff done. solidness..